Being a mom is the best! I have always dreamed about being a mom, ever since I could remember. Now that I am, I am beyond blown away at God's gift to us! I am overwhelmed by His grace everyday, my cup overflows!! This is joy sent from Heaven, and because of how she came into the world, it makes being a mom extra special to me.
Winnie has such a beautiful birth story. It is unique and I wouldn't change anything about it.
Her birth story begins the Thursday before her birthday. At my last appointment my doctor said that because I was fully effaced and 4 cm dilated he felt comfortable giving Winnie the weekend to come, but if she didn't I would be induced Monday morning. Winnie did not make her appearance that weekend, so Sunday evening we prepared for our stay in the hospital. Monday morning we got up early, I got up to do my hair and make up, thinking it was going to be fairly quick and pictures would be taken and yada yada yada.... not the case. That morning Taylor made me some toast, but with my nerves peaking I couldn't eat but half of it, which I paid for later. We left the house, I was feeling amazing!! I was 4 cm dilated and had no pain so far. I thought, this will be easy.... it wasn't.
 |
| soon after active labor started |
We arrived at the hospital at 7:20am and they got us situated in our room and prepared me to be induced. At 8:00am the doctor on call broke my water. It was hilarious! When they broke my water my immediate response was "OH MY GOSH!!!! I'M SO HAPPY THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN MY BED!" haha. That gave the nurses, doctor and Taylor a good laugh. I was for real though, I could not have imagined leaving my house knowing all that mess was in my bed. It was a pain-free process, having your water broken, and that began active labor.
Active labor started off pretty easy. I felt great and every once and a while would have a small cramp feeling that took my breath away, but I could talk through it. It wasn't until a few hours later when it started to hurt. Friends, family, doctors, nurses... they don't prepare you for the pain you are about to feel. And how can they? A friend was right, they do feel like the worst period cramps of your life, at first... For me, pain started and it felt like the worst cramp ever, but then it got way more intense and more painful. Plus, I was exhausted! Contractions take everything out of you. So a few hours in I was having trouble staying awake. I would fall asleep in between contractions, to be woken up by each contraction in a ton of pain. I would shake uncontrollably and grab Taylor's arm then let go, then wave my arm in the air (for some reason that helped relieve pain- made for a good laugh to those watching). Nine hours later, the pain was so much and I was so tired that I needed a break. My doctor came in to check to see how far I had progressed and I had only gone from 4 cm to 6 cm. I decided at that point to get an epidural.
My plan from the beginning was to go in doing it natural, but to not say no to medicine if I needed it. I have a low pain tolerance, so the fact I made it that far was incredible. Taylor and I talked it over for probably 30 seconds and made the decision to have the anesthesiologist come join the party and give me a break. That was the
longest 45 minutes ever! From telling the nurse we want the epidural to actually getting it and having it numb me was so hard. I had about 20 contractions in the waiting time and those seemed to be the worst. Thankfully, the nurse we had was amazing. She made me grab hold of her top as she stood between my legs and I leaned into her. I cried because you aren't supposed to move during an epidural, but it felt near impossible when contractions would hit. The guy was good at his job, he got me numb (which was the worst part of the epidural) and then gave me the epidural, which I didn't even feel.
 |
| after the epidural - fall risk! |
After getting my epidural it seemed to numb my left leg pretty quickly, but not my right. I also had a 'hot spot' which is an area in the numbing section that doesn't get numb. I could feel everything in the area and it hurt so much. But, by God's grace and kindness, by the end of 2 hours, both legs were numb and the hot spot finally numbed enough for me to rest. The doctor came in to check how I was progressing.... I had gone from 6 cm to 10 cm in a matter of 2 hours and she said it was time to start pushing. Eeeek!
Pushing is exhausting! Only moms who have done it will understand. It.is.crazy.hard. I thought I was tired before... I started pushing and within the first hour we could see Winnie's head. She was about 1 inch from being out! Sadly though, with every push she got closer, but then once I would breath again she would be rocked back up. :( This continued for 2.5 hours, 3.5 hours total. We tried every position possible. And in the midst of pushing and that taking everything out of me (except my baby ;)) I ended up getting sick 3 times. We had about 7 or 8 nurses in there and the doctor at one time trying to help. The doctor came in again after 3 hours and said because both mom and baby are doing well and because I was so determined, I could push an extra 30 minutes. The maximum time for pushing is 3 hours, but she let me go 30 minutes longer. In the last hour and half I had no strength to hold my legs and arms up. Thankfully with Taylor on one side and some nurses on the other, they were able to keep my legs up. In this entire process, I just kept saying to myself, "Nothing is impossible with God, nothing is impossible with God. You are my strength. Help me Lord!" He had a plan through it all. God's ways are always faithful and always good!
The last half hour my doctor was with me observing and checking inside trying to figure out why Winnie wasn't coming out. At the end of 3.5 hours of pushing, getting sick, seeing her head and yet no progress of her coming out, the doctor explained to us what was wrong and told us we had to prepare for the alternative. She explained to us that the bones on my pelvic bone that are supposed to open, didn't open, which explains why Winnie was being rocked back and forth and not coming out. The doctor said that because of this, I had to go in for a c-section.
Taylor asked the doctor and nurses to give us some privacy to talk... once they left Taylor and I looked at each other and both cried and cried. We couldn't say no to the c-section, but I could tell by looking at Taylor, he was afraid and unsure what to think. We were not planing on this at all. The doctor gave us about 15 minutes to talk with family. After Taylor explained to everyone in the waiting room what was going on, my sister was the first to come talk to me. She has had 3 c-sections. She walked in crying and we hugged and cried and she told me everything was going to be okay. Then everyone else came in and the family prayed over me Winnie and Taylor.
They wheeled me off to the Operating Room.
 |
| Taylor's view |
They laid me on the table and prepped me for surgery and began their practice pricks and I told the doctor I could feel the pricks and lots of pressure. So they gave me more medicine and afterwards I threw up 3 more times. Because I wasn't responding well to the medicine and you can't be throwing up during a surgery, they decided I had to be put to sleep.
All I said was, "That sounds amazing, all I want is to take a nap." haha I was tired y'all! So they put me to sleep and about 90 minutes later after I was awake and not all loopy, I held my baby girl for the first time. I wept. I never knew I could feel like I did. A love I never fully knew.
A small glimpse of the Father's love for us as His children.
[A part of a letter Taylor wrote to Winnie --
"....they had to put her to sleep; and I wasn't allowed to come
in the OR, having to wait at the desk.
I spent the next 30 minutes praying SO hard, asking God to
protect you and mom, to guide the Dr.’s hands, and to fill that OR and hospital
with His Spirit. After 30 minutes passed, I heard you cry for the first time, YOU WERE HERE!!!! The Dr.’s took about 15
minutes to clean you up, then the door opened and I got to see my sweet Winnie,
my daughter, YOU! You were crying so
very hard, but when the nurses handed you to me, and you were in my arms, you
stopped crying immediately when I began talking to you [you knew my voice]. Your
eyes opened up and we just looked at each other. I cried and cried; so full of
joy and love for you. Nothing I can say adequately describes the feeling that I
had and still have towards you. Only a parent can understand the depth of the
love that I felt towards you as soon as I laid my eyes on you."]
 |
| The moment we met! |
They wheeled us back into our room where we were greeted by her grandma's, Gigi and Grandma Sandy. Soon after, the family made there way in and met sweet Winnie. What a glorious moment that was for us. She was finally here!
Winifred Ann Brown
June 10, 2013
@ 10:56pm
7 lbs, 13 oz, 21 in
The next day the nurses and pediatrician told us that Winnie was jaundice and her levels were high. I began to breastfeed her, colostrum was in and I was able to get her to latch and drink a little bit, but it wasn't enough. They explained to us that we needed to start supplementing her with formula to help flush out the jaundice. At first this was hard, I was so against giving her formula and bottle feeding because I wanted her to be breastfed. We did what we were told, but it was unsuccessful.
The pediatrician told us the next afternoon that her levels were still high and we would have to increase the formula intake and also keep her on a glow bed to help her color. At that point I didn't care anymore about whether she was formula/bottle fed or breastfed, I just wanted her to get better. So we began feeding her as much as she would take. The hardest part was keeping her in her glow bed for an entire day when all I wanted to do was hold her. The glow bed dehydrated her, so it became a tricky process of getting enough fluids in her so she would start using the bathroom.
With the help of a thermometer and a ton of fluids, she began using the bathroom! The 4th day, when I was discharged and Winnie became the patient, we went with the nurse as she pricked our little girls foot
again. They were doing another test to see how she had progressed. Thankfully, the next day the pediatrician told us her levels had come down and we could go home!!
Our tiny girl is healthy, meeting her "goals" as an infant. She has gone through 2 phases of growth spurts, which haven't been easy, but we have gotten through them. :) I grow more and more in love with her every second of every day. This is the life!!!
[Two of my favorite photos!!]
Mommy loves you sweet girlie!!! You were worth every second of labor day. I will never forget it. <3
.JPG)
